"I HEAR A BOMB" "NO, THATS UR BRAINCELLS DIEING." D:

so i was hanging out with erica the past days, ive missed her sooooo much. I cant belive I ditched her like that, i feel kinda horrible. Jesus, it was so fun on Tuesday. Her friend, Luaras ex-girl friend showed Luara how you could get mad stoned off dust-off. It a computer cleaner, kinda weird. I thought Id become like retarded, but hey, im actually smarter, O_O.. It was kinda fucking amazing, I thought i was dead at one point, i thought i wasnt in my body, it was illll. then i blanked out like everything was like a strobe light, I was scared as shit. And Noahs such a gross person he keept trying to touch me, then when i said no, he started with erica, then i made her stop, so he went to liz, then kiki, then back to me, fucking cycle. i hate guys, so narsty. I think im turning dykeeeeee. ): i cant see the good in most guys anymore, they all turn me off, there all horrible people, they just want to screw you, and will do anything for anything in return. But then again, i dont see the good in girls now either. So, yeah. Anywayy, i was with valerieee today, and i miss her too. i miss the old times when I had a "I dont give a fuck" attitude to everyone, lol. But, thats not me anymore. Back to what i was saying, we went to the woodmere convienince store, she showed me some cool shit.

IM GOING TO CAMP IN 3 DAYS! TRES DIAS! ZOMFGGG, :DDD. i cant waitttt, ughh. I was texting my friend harrison. Somehow we lead into this big ass conversasion about God, and life and death and random shit like we both hate the lake, becuase we do. Im really glad that I have someone that wont judge me, he reminds me of myselff alott, unlike the other japyass kids at fucking jappyasscamp. XD, oh wellll, Its pretty fun. My grandma has been pissing me off so much lately. All she does is say NONONONNONONNOO. and im sick of her telling me what the fuck i can do, shes not my parents. i love her and all, but she needs to fuck the shit off of my ass.., so annoying... i feel kinda bad though, i always yell, and shes old and all. But i dont want to have pitty on anyone, especaily my family. I never asked for them. They want me. I wish they didnt care sooo much. They worry too muchh. I HATE WOODMERE-HEWLETT. Im seriously thinking of going to a jew school instead of hewlett-high. I mean, yeah there jews. But atleast there not SUCH assholes! &&&, I'll do better in school, and the people wont think of me as a whore. I'm not a whore anymore. whattttevaaaaarrrrrrr.

i want fucking bubble teaaaaa :D

i hate my legs. ive always hated them. since i was 7. i used to imagine myself with them amputated, how pretty i would look. if i had skinny legs. skinny, boney, breakable, perfect legs. and everyone always makes fun of me. i wish they where skinny. i hate them. i im crying fucking hysterically. i hate bryant. i hope he dies.
thats it. im starving myself. i dont care if i die. i want skinny legs. i want to be skinny. and pretty. and have some one elses face. i hate them. i wish i was pretty. i wish i wasnt alive. i hate myself, so much. i dont know why. i hate my legs the most. they where the first thing i hated about myself.
im going to be skinny. i can. i dont need food. i need to be happy with myself. i need guys not to say i have fat legs. that id look better if i was skinnier. i hate my body. i want it gone. i want someone to take it, and make it numb, so i cant tell its mine. so it would be mine.
im me, im not this fucking ugly body. i hate it. im going to scar it. and brand, cut, and bruise it up. and have tattoos covering it up, and perice almost everything on my face till its not one i know. till its not mine. i swear, i will do this if i cant have skinny legs,

if every angels terrible, then why do you welcome them?

i love accents. there so hot. i hate english. everything sounds so dirtied, and shamefull. maybe its just me, most likely. i hate southern accents. i like european accents, they sound pure, and nice. russian and german sound hurt, and angry. asian languages sound smarter than the others, wiser.
theres this song, i really grown to love incrediably over the past day. Its called Werewolf by Cocorosie. i think its based on the book, A wolf at the Table, my friend rose read it, and showed me this song. anyway, shes french, i love her voice. i want to kiss her, just the way her voice is, its so pretty. i wish i had a beautiful voice. i sound like a stupid little kid. maybe thats what i am. yep, thats it.

I was with my friend Erica, i think thats what i should call her, anyway we havnt been together in forever, probably since april. Its such a pity, shes the way she is. Even though its not my life, i feel her pain when i see her. Its so unfair how we are born into this. Some good, some horrible, all unfair. It makes me so mad. I know some people who id give everything i have too, and there always so much more i want. I need morals. I guess some people are born with out them. Thats unfair. But its the way it is.

what time is it? summer vacation(:

so schools out, people are already being drama-tastic. i dont really give a shit. SUMMERSUMERRSUMERRRR, i get to wear not alotta clothes. yayy. and my hair gets pretty and blonde-ish, and it just feel reallly good. i cant wait. (:

i wannaa take a ride on your discostick.

i get so upset so easily over nothing. it wasn't Daniel . saying that, he said I'm not a whore. and he never thought that. he said it was will. will said it was him. what an asholeee. what ever.

so, yeah. i kinda this guy. noah, we've been friends since last year. he was my best friends ex. well they never where offical. she never actually said yes. i dont know. they never even kissed. it was reatarded. it lasted like a week. anyway, noahs changed so fucking much. hes like taller than me, and got much more attractive, and just does what ever the fuck he wants to. he gets head, smokes, drinks, skips school. i sometimes wish he could be like he was before. he was so different. he still is really funny and great to be around. he makes me laugh always. like hystericaly luagh. hes my friend. i could never to anything sexual with him, erica sucked his dick. itll feel so wrong.

anyway, a few months ago, we went on a feild trip. the most BORING thing, to some retarded musem or what ever. so noah gave me some painkillers, and we wherr trippinnn balls. they had a play ground out side of it, for the younger kids. me and my friends went under this tunnel, and i was high then. he was sitting across from me, and we just stared at each other for minutes. it was nice. then i was talking to liz about stuff we've done. she seemed so PROUD of it. maybe i should be more proud.. maybe she shouldnt be proud at all. maybe shes making it up too sound cooler. whos knows. i like the smell of smoke.

IM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF. I DONT USEALLY GET THIS PISSED OFF. BUT I AM. IM GOING TO MAKE FUCKING KRAZ BLEED FROM HIS BALLS AND MAKE SURE HE CANT MAKE OFFSPRING. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM AND WILLIAM. OHHHHHBOY, WHAT IM GUNA DO TO WILLIAM IF I SEE HIM. IM GOING TO SKINNNNNNN HIS PENIS WITH A FUCKINN RAZOR. I HATEEEEEEE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH. FOR THEM TO CALL ME A WHORE. OH GOD. I HATE THEM. I HATE ALL MY FUCKING EXES THEY SHOULD ALL DIEDIEDIEDIEEE. IM SOOO STUPIDDDSTUPIDSTUPID. WHY DO I LIKE SUCH ASSSSSSHOLESSS. WHYYYYY? WHAT EVER. I DONT CARE. IF DANIEL DARES TO SHOW UP TO DESTINYS PARTY WITH OUT APOLOGIZING, IM GOING PHSYCO ON HIM. AND IM GUNA HURT HIS GIRLFRIEND TOO. JUST BECUASE. EVEN THOUGH SHE LOOKS REALY NICE TOO. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I WANT TO SEE HIM CRY. AND TO BLEED. I WANT HIM ON THE FUCKING FLOOR TELLING ME THAT IM TOO GOOD FOR HIM. WHICH I AM. HES SHIT. IM NOT. AND HE DIDNT DESERVE ME. NO ONE SO LOW DOES ESPECAILY WILLIAM. THAT FUCKING DEPRESSED WHINEY UGLY AS FUCK DESPERATE PEICE OF TRASH. HE HITS ON ANY GIRL. HES SO GROSSSSS. I DONT KNOW WHAT I SAW IN THEM. UGHHH I AM SO BLIND. I HATEEEE MYSELF FOR THAT. BUT I HATE THEM MORE, THEY DONT SAY SHIT ABOUT ME AFTER HOW THEY TREATED ME. IM NOT A WHORE. IM NOT A FUCKING WHORE.

im actually going to start using this blog. Everyone reads my tumblr, every time ive tried to post something of somewhat meaning useally my friends IM me saying, "yo wtfs ur new post about?". so ill start to use this, none of my friends know about this, except one. but i don't mind that.

i always want to know why people do things, the reason behind everything. it makes things easier. this one guy, well a few. but this one in paticular, i dont understand. he never told me once he liked me. never once, but i knew he did. he had too.. the fact he told my friend he liked me, and not me insulted me. the fact that he told all of my friends how he felt about me, and this and that, all sortas of cute things he should have said to ME, i was so aggrivated. i dont know why he did that, when i asked him if he liked me, in person he kissed me. it was so good. he is good. and then he pulled away and told me to suck his dick. ugh, he makes me so mad. my other friend told me, the other day that she was talking to him. and the reason why he stopped talking to me, out of nowhere he stopped talking to me was he had to hurt me, before i could hurt him. SUCHA FUCKING BULLSHIT EXCUSE. i guess im still not over him, he still lingers in my head everyone once in a while, not often really. its been a month. wow, i didnt realized. blaghsdasdaskl. PENISSSSSCAKES.

nightmares 1.

so i had this dream a while ago,

i was running, i didn't know where i was running too either. The type of running that you would call sprinting. But i wasn't, i was running. I was running from something, i was being chased. I could feel my heart pounding, burning. I could hear it. Its hard to keep going when you cant see where your going, or why you even are running. I just knew i couldn't stop. On a highway, after a good 10 minutes my head cleared enough, that's where i was. Why was i on a highway running? My legs started going numb from the pain, i knew that they weren't going to give out. They couldn't. I knew that if i ran just fast, and long enough i could be okay. id be fine, id be safe. The air in my lungs exchanged from the atmosphere, less than a second per minute. I was going fast. faster than ever, my surroundings were blurred. My back, my hips, my calves, my thighs felt so large and heavy. My arms felt useless. I stopped thinking, and just ran. I didn't care at this point why i was running anymore. It was an animalistic feeling, and instinct.

Minutes, and hours went by. Maybe days, it was still dark though. but not black, like in the morning, around 7 o’ clock, when the sun is minutes till rising. I kept my pace, i was intranced.

Everything closed in around me, i couldn't sworn that my soul was letting go of my body, seeing myself from above, i was disgusted. I was going to let go, of everything . The ground was coming closer towards me, i was falling. i tripped. i lost. i couldn't have. no. no. no no no no! I screamed, but nothing come out of my mouth. I start to cry, panicked and nervous of whats behind me, i didn't want to look. i looked. i see two bright lights. headlights. they blinded me. the air in my chest was knocked out,